(Taken from a workshop on Happiness by Dr. Kathie Mathis, Psy.D)
Most of us women have a sense of being undervalued, under loved, under cherished and just plain “not measuring up” – whatever that means.
We have been told by others that we are not and enough, pretty enough, kind enough, not gracious enough, and not disciplined enough. We are too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too weak, too opinionated, too messy. We don’t laugh enough or we laugh too
much. We are not smart enough, but also told we are too smart. We are not this and too much of that. The result is we fill ourselves with self loathing, shame, and feelings of inadequacy which haunts us all of our lives, feeding our deepest fears that we will be abandoned and alone. If we were “better women” – whatever that means – life wouldn’t be so hard and we would be happy.
To many of us think that being happy means we don’t have struggles, there would be less sorrow in our lives, we would have romance and
adventures, and we would be important and cherished. But because we are told we are not “better women” – our lives are filled with duties, demands; we feel unsought – no one wants us; we feel uncertain about what femininity is, uncertain about who we are and where we fit in our universe. We long for happiness and the desire to be cherished like women who seem to have their act together. So we try harder to be happy through the use of drugs, alcohol, sex, men, women and children. We search outward for happiness. We have lost the most important concept of happiness and that is this – we are enough because our heart is the heart of a woman. What does that mean? A woman’s heart is core to
who she is. It is our creativity seat, courage and conviction source, the “essence” of who we are and the center of our being. It is what makes us
“woman” and that is very important, It is where our dreams are kept, our romance is from, and where our happiness is found. It is also where we place value in who we are before it is taken from us. It is where our beauty is displayed for everyone to see.
The assault on femininity – its long history, its utter viciousness, from Christianity to culture, has been going on since the Biblical story of Adam and Eve. The Serpent in the Garden of Eden went after Eve because of her beauty and it wanted to be the most beautiful living thing in the Garden. Also, Eve could give life, and as life giver she was a threat to its evil, death focused, and bitter jealous heart. Women still have external factors that threaten them but not from literal serpents – but serpents none the less.
For most women, happiness seems fleeting and temporary, because they allow these external circumstances to affect it. One of the best
ways to keep happiness, is by gaining inner peace through daily choice, affirmations and positive attitudes about circumstances surrounding our daily lives. As the mind becomes more peaceful, it becomes easier to choose the happiness habit.
If you would like to book Dr. Mathis for a workshop, seminar or as a keynote speaker – or see Dr. Mathis privately to find more happiness in your life, contact her at drkathiemathis@gmail.com.
