EMOTIONAL ADDICTION – WHAT IS IT?

Very few people realize that each and every one of us is addicted to emotions. See, the very same receptors on the cells of our body that are used by drug addicts are the very same receptors that are used for the chemicals compounds our bodies uses to experience emotion. So by realizing that people can become addicted to drugs, one can easily realize that one can become addicted to emotions just as easily, and do.

Emotions are a natural part of our daily lives. They create, enhance and bond our experience of the world. Emotions are also our body’s way of taking experiences of life and turning those lessons into long term memories in order for us to be able to function in the world more effectively. It’s not the emotions that are bad, it’s the addiction to those emotions that is the problem.

The body uses combinations of specific chemicals to create each of the different emotions. There is a specific chemical combination for sexual
pleasure, depression, happiness, sadness, and anger, and victimization, and any other emotion that you can think of. Over the years, people develop an addiction to the different chemicals of different emotions. The more someone feels a particular positive emotion, the more they want to repeat it and do, so the more addicted to that emotion they become. If someone gets angry on a consistent basis, they develop an emotional addiction to the anger chemicals. If someone plays a victim and cries why me long enough, they habituate that way of being and develop an emotional addiction to those specific chemicals. As each of the cells split, the new cells created need more and more of those
specific chemicals in order to get the same stimulation as the old cell.

Our habitual “love” emotional state attracts to us more of that emotional state. So you can see that if we are addicted to specific loving emotional states created by behaviors, experiences, and “make up” sex or our “fantasy of potentiality regarding someone”, that those may keep us in bad relationships. If you are in an abusive relationship where the “groomer” gives you gifts, fantastic make up sex, “hope” that they will change, etc., then we have to undo the habitual addiction to those emotional states that create negative consequences and develop new addictions through habit for the positive emotional chemicals with healthy partners who don’t abuse. Many times people
will act in certain ways just to get the fix of their emotional addiction. The difficult for many people is getting past their emotional addictions that create negativity in their lives and developing more productive emotional addictions.

You must be willing to constantly practice new behaviors and live in “reality” based life in order to develop new habits and create the new emotional addictions to positive emotions. This is difficult at first but with enough practice it becomes easy to stay happy because of your addiction to that specific emotional state. The more you practice those positive emotions developed from positive experiences, behaviors and attitudes, the easier it gets over time because your body will naturally develop an addiction for those emotional chemicals and attract situations and people to you in order to sustain that emotional addiction. Practice positive emotions, stay away from negative relationships, controlling people, gender biased individuals and seek positive, mutuality based individuals with unconditional positive regard for
self and others, and eventually the universe will throw situations and people at you in order to sustain that emotional addiction.

Love addiction is a different from emotional addiction and is created differently as well. Here are some signs of love addiction to help one differentiate.

Signs and Characteristics of Love
Addiction:

  • Lack
    of nurturing and attention when young
  • Feeling
    isolated, detached from parents and family
  • Compartmentalization
    of relationships from other areas of life
  • Outer facade of “having it all together” to hide internal disintegration
  • Mistake intensity for intimacy (drama driven relationships)
  • Hidden Pain
  • Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at any cost
  • Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
  • Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
  • Depressed
  • Highly manipulative and controlling of others
  • Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, on a par with food and water
  • Sense of worthlessness without a relationship or partner
  • Feelings that a relationship makes one whole, or more of a man or woman
  • Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior
  • Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
  • Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems 
  • Insatiable appetite in area of difficulty (sex, love or attachment / need.)
  • Using others, sex & relationships to alter mood or relieve emotional pain
  • Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
  • Driven, desperate, frantic personality
  • Confusion of sexual attraction with love (“Love” at first sight.)  
  • Tendency to trade sexual activity for “love” or attachment  
  • Existence of a secret “double life”
  • Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
  • Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
  • Defining “wants” as “needs”
  • Tendency to leave one relationship for another. (Inability to be without a relationship.)
  • Attempts to replace lost relationships with a new one immediately

For more information on helping yourself with love addiction or emotional addiction – or to find out if you are an addict, contact Dr. Kathie at drkathiemathis@gmail.com