New Year’s has come and you may have set some resolutions for the New Year. You may have decided that now is the time to start attracting positive people and positive influences in your life. If this is so, then you have chosen a wise resolution to achieve. This is a step you have made to improve your life as these positive influences can bring about positive experiences and happiness. Surrounding yourself with positivity is easier than you might think. However, our brains and society has conditioned us to believe there will always be hardships and negative people we just have to deal with it. I will strive to show you how to bring in those positive influences effortlessly and start removing negativity from your life along with negative people. You will be on your way to having positive relationships with those around you and being surrounded in a positive environment that is going to bring you joy and happiness along with more success in your profession and personal life.
What does it look like?
Have you wondered what exactly it looks like to have positive people in your life and be surrounded by positive influences? If so, it means you will be choosing relationships with people who do not carry their baggage around with them. They live free, happy and uninhibited in grace, kindness and empathy. These people will make you laugh, smile and engage in conversations that make the both of you happy and feel accepted. They are the type of person that wears honesty and honor in their hearts and find joy in helping others. They also take the time to give back to themselves and honor who they are and renew their spirit in the process. They have no need to put down others to make themselves feel better at another’s expense. When you are with them you may sense a peace that radiates from them and from within you as well. They have such a positive effect on others that you may walk away with the thoughts of “I am glad they are my friend or I am glad they are in my life.”
Positive influences can also be people, but they are so much more. Positive influences refer to the environment that surrounds you: everything from the neighborhood or community you live in, the type of places you hang out in for recreation, your job environment and any other contact you have with the outside world. It can even be the online community you participate in through social networks, email and instant messaging. You know you are living with positive influences when the thought of that community or environment makes you happy. You do not feel anxiety when you think about going into work and drudging through another day just to make a dollar. These positive influences are those that make you feel happy at the end of the day.
How Positive People and Influences Affect Your Life
Positive people and influences don’t only affect you in the moment when you are around these people or certain environments, positive influences actually are much more. The positivity and the happiness will actually spread to every aspect of your life. We can imagine an example where you are working with coworkers who are friendly, open and work well with you. Even if it might not be your dream job, working with such nice people can actually boost your mood and help you enjoy being at work. You will go home with a sense of pride and accomplishment. You won’t feel as tired and will feel in an engaging and happy mood. This spreads to your home life where you come home to your significant other and children and actually look forward to spending time with them. They sense your presence as soon as you walk in the door and it is a positive one. Your children and significant other will want to be around you and dinner time becomes enjoyable rather than stressful. You sleep better as well and the next day you wake up refreshed and willing to have another positive day. If you are not in a relationship with a significant other and single, you will have a sense of peace and joy to you that will work as a magnet to attract others to you, possibly even a romantic relationship. You can attract so many more positive relationships and influences in your life, and it all starts with the people and environments already around you.
Negativity
So why do we need to talk about negativity when we are focused on positivity? In order to talk about how to attract positive people and influences in our lives, we must first look at the negativity. If you can look around at the people in your life and identify who is a constant source of negativity then you can take and make a change. These individuals might be mean, rude, cold or even depressed. All these negative people can suck the energy from you if you spend your time with them. Do you notice that there are some friends that embody a negative attitude all the time? Do you notice those who thrive on being negative and if they find themselves in a happy situation, turn around and create negativity? When you are with them, they complain about everything, they probably gossip a lot and talk about how bad their life is going. You spend your energy complimenting them, reassuring them and trying to make them feel better. You may even participate in their droning on about life and how horrible it is. You can get sucked into their feeling that life will never be happy, things won’t go your way, and why bother…..!!! Does this type of person remind you of anyone in your life? If so, they are bringing you down and you may not even realize it! Sometimes it just feels easier to be negative and complain. This will never make you happy and it will never make your friend happy either.
One of the first things you need to determine is what your relationship with this person is. Why do you have this person in your life at all? What purpose does this person serve and how much space will you allow them to take up in your life? If all your relationship gives is a “good” time of gossip and complaining, then this type of relationship should be cut off if possible. However, not every relationship is so easy to leave. We have friends we’ve had for years and mean something to us. We have family members who will always be related to us and there is no leaving their side. So what can you do in these situations? Should you just tell them to leave you alone and stop talking to them? The shortest answer may be yes or no. If your answer is yes then let them know that you have decided that you are choosing positivity and would love for them to take that journey with you. You can absolutely have a relationship with that person, however, it might look a lot different than what you are used to.
You begin by setting boundaries with this person or people. Only you know what boundaries you can create with this person. Do they call you up every time something bad is going wrong and expect you to fix it? Do they call you up just to complain and they like to hear themselves complain? In this case, you will need to have a heart to heart with them and let them know that while you wish for the best for them, you cannot always be the one to fix their problems and listen to their complaints. This might hurt them quite a lot and even anger them, but remember this is something they need to work on. Not you. It is time to give time, love and positive energy back to your “self” and this relationship is not helping that. You can still love them, talk with them in a positive manner, but do not engage in negative conversations with them. As soon as you feel one coming on, direct the conversation to something more positive or neutral. Or simply say, “I am sorry but this conversation is turning negative. Let’s change the subject.” This may be very confusing for them at first, but eventually they will get the hint that you have no interest in participating in a conversation wallowing in self-pity or putting down others or be the sounding board for negativity.
When it comes to negative influences, there are a number of factors that can create a negative environment. Perhaps you hate your job or the co-workers you work with. This can cause depression and anxiety. Or maybe the places you hang out in leave you feeling drained. If you hang out in the bar hoping for a chance of connection with someone else, you will often leave disappointed and lonely. Surrounding yourself with negative places will only result in making you feel negative as well. Sometimes, though, we must be somewhere we don’t want to be, such as a place of employment. If this is the case, then begin to look at options for changing that place of employment. Hire a head hunter, professional job finder, and have your resume updated. Don’t just accept your circumstances for employment – you can change them for the better.
So what can be done in these moments? That is when gratitude comes in.
Gratitude
There will always be negative people and negative things in your life that you do not enjoy as long as you focus on that negativity. People will always talk about you but it is what you respond to that defines you. Let some of that go and focus on what you know to be the best for you. The opposite of resentment and dissatisfaction is gratitude. You have the power to turn any negative situation or relationship into a positive one, and this is through the power of gratitude. When we are grateful for something in our life, we attract more of those positive aspects to ourselves and the same rings true about negative ones. Therefore, we should be focusing on all the positive things going on in our lives. Concentrate on those. Write them down and really let yourself feel grateful for them. The more you feel grateful for positive acts and express your gratitude to them, the happier you will feel and your relationships will slowly strengthen.
If you hate your job, write down all the things you are grateful for. They don’t have to be enormous. They can be something as simple, yet as wonderful as having enough money to pay the bills and be fed each month. It can be that you enjoy the scenic route to work and have 15 minutes to enjoy your favorite music on the way to work or on the way home. No matter what it is, write it down.
Say as many gratitude affirmations as you can or write as many gratitude’s for your life down on paper. Some find it most useful to keep a journal and each night before bed or upon waking in the morning, writing down what you are grateful for in your life. Your list doesn’t have to be long. Write five each day and you will start to see just how many positive things you really have in your life, including people and influences. You can even write these down on sticky notes and post around your house the positive affirmations, to remind yourself of good things happening in your life.
Change Begins With You!
YOU decide that attracting positive people and positive influences in your life begins now – one day at a time. It really does. You are like a magnetic force attracting what you put out into the world. If you want positive then you must be positive. Positive people attract other positive people. When they see a genuine smile on your face, an attitude of gratitude, a joyous appearance, and see how you handle life with love and happiness, positive people are going to want to be around you, all the time. And this will attract positive influences in your life. Don’t wait for others to make you happy and to be creating positivity in your life. No one can make you happy. Sure they can influence you and can be an inspiration in your life, but you are the greatest determiner of your own happiness. No one else holds that power besides you, so take advantage of it and make yourself happy.
It might be difficult for you to really know what makes you happy. You might have an ideal image of what a happy person looks like and want to meet that person. Guess what, maybe that person is actually your ideal YOU. Think about it for a while and decide if you are seeking someone to make you happy or if you want to be happy first and then meet like-minded people.
Creating Your Happiness List
So how do you determine what makes you happy? Ask yourself “What makes me happy?” This may seem like a full-loaded question when you ask it to yourself, but it doesn’t have to be. It probably doesn’t even require hard thinking. Just make a list of whatever comes to your mind at the moment. Your list might look something like this, but should be unique to your own interests:
Things that make me happy include
- Rocky Road Ice cream
- Bubble baths
- My child’s laughter
- A mid-afternoon nap
- Swimming
- A soft kiss
- Playing board games
- A warm embrace
- Tending to my garden
- Cooking a home-cooked meal with someone I love
- Watching a good sports game
- Walking my dog in the park
- Painting my toenails red
- Reading a good mystery novel
- Meditation
- Playing in the dirt
- Swinging at the park with a friend
- A movie
- Dancing
- Traveling
- Holding hands
- The fresh smell of clean laundry
- Having coffee with a friend
The list can be anything you think of and go on and on. Sit there and keep writing to your hearts content. Be sure to keep several pages free in your journal so you can add to it whenever you participate in something else that gives you joy or you remember something else that makes you happy. Notice that the list not only lists outside influences that make you happy, but it also lists things one can do on their own to be happy. The point of this exercise is to identify what makes you happy, gives you happiness when writing it and gives you ideas on what to participate more in to bring your level of happiness up. If negativity starts to creep in at any time, your list can serve as a tool to remind yourself of something you can do to turn that negativity around and change it to positivity.
As you start living a life of joy, you will begin meeting others who are also living lives of joy. Even if you might have different interests, you may both notice you have a positive energy and want to hang out anyway. You just might find a new friend and create new positive relationships in your life. You may even be introduced to new positive influences that you didn’t realize would bring you joy until you were around them. As long as you are living the life you have actively and joyously created for yourself, the positive people and influences are bound to follow.
Staying Positive
Once your life of happiness, joy and being surrounded by positive people and positive influences comes into fruition, you must continue to stay positive to keep them around. When you are happy, you will want to remain happy and focus your attention on remaining that way. With the use of your gratitude journal and happiness list, you will always be reminded and aware of things going right in your life and know where to turn to boost your mood. When you begin your day with a positive affirmation and continue throughout your day repeating the affirmation – this is one of the best resources you have for yourself to start feeling the joy in life and maintaining it. You can carry your journal around with you and write in it on a regular basis. Doesn’t mean you will always be positive and happy but it will improve your life more fully and create shorter times of negativity. Positive thinking is a CHOICE and we practice our positive thinking every day – one day at a time. I love the affirmation, “I am a positive and happy person” to start off with. Train your brain to “fake it until it makes it.”
What you may notice is that situations and people that were once perceived as negative have either been eliminated from your life or changed for the better. You’ve probably heard the saying that “Misery loves company.” As soon as those negative naysayers start seeing how positive you are, it is likely that they won’t want to be around you anymore. Try not to take this personal. Instead, think of it as a positive thing. You are living a life that is free, that is happy and being alive feels so good. Think about how you used to feel when you were with those negative people, sucking the energy from you, leaving you feeling sad or disappointed with life. You have to make the active choice to be positive.
What you will start to see is that you are surrounded by positive people everywhere you go, from the grocery store to your place of employment. You just might have never noticed them before because you were looking through the “glasses” of negativity, frustration or anger. Putting on “glasses” of positivity will feel so good that you will never want to go back to that place of negativity ever again. Best of all, you will finally have attained your original goal of attracting positive people and positive influences into your life. You are equipped with all the tools ready to start today and this way of “being” can last a lifetime.
