There’s an assortment of articles about helping us build healthy relationships with our partners and loved ones. But the most important relationship in our lives is the one with ourselves.
Suzanne Conway said, “Your relationship with yourself is the foundation of everything.”
Having a good relationship with yourself gives you important insights into your life. John Duffy, a clinical psychologist,said, “I had to look within to determine who I was and what I wanted. Were I not eager to get to know myself well, I would not have made the career change that allowed for so much possibility and happiness in my life.”
Having a good relationship with yourself improves your relationships with others. What you want and bring into your life in this relationship will also be what you look for in others that you want in your life. In other words, manifest for yourself the relationship you want, and those who are “that” will come into your life as well.
I have learned, through experiences in and out of the counseling room, that if we are not connected and emotionally available to ourselves, we cannot be connected and emotionally available for others either. If you want a good partner, good friends, good people, in your life – that will happen ONLY when you have a good relationship with yourself first.
So what does a healthy relationship with yourself look like?
A healthy self-relationship is the ability to value yourself as a person. Also you embrace your strengths and weaknesses and work on making the weaknesses into strengths. Weaknesses are only “weak” when we don’ work on them and improve them.
It means considering yourself, every day and consideration includes self-care, self-respect, goodwill and self-love.
A healthy relationship looks like kindness. Conway said, “We have unconditional love for our family and loved ones — we need to extend that to ourselves, too.” Unconditional love is limitless good and when you add that to “regard,” or how we see ourselves, then we have limitless good in how we view ourselves.
Regardless of whether you’re used to extending love and kindness your way, you can build and bolster that healthy bond. These are six ideas on cultivating a good relationship with yourself.
- Self care means meeting your needs.
Question for you. Do you know what feeds you in mind, body and spirit? If not, then you should be taking inventory of what needs you have and ways to meet those needs.
According to Hanks, “A great place to start cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself is by caring for your basic physical needs.” That includes getting enough sleep and rest, eating.
- Joy is important.
“Prioritize the activities that bring you joy and fill your emotional reserves,” Hanks said. I suggest that you find, every day, the big and little things that are right in front of you that make you smile, chuckle, feel good, and give you a positive emotional reaction when you see it, taste it, feel it, etc.
- Focus on your inner world.
Tune into your inner life. What am I feeling? What am I thinking? Are my thoughts negative and I need to cancel them out and turn them into positive thoughts? According to Hanks, a healthy relationship with yourself also includes being aware of your internal processes.
Also, consider the why behind your behavior, thoughts and feelings.
Journaling, positive affirmations, relaxation visualization, yoga, meditation and therapy are other vehicles for becoming more self-aware.
- Regularly make time for yourself.
For instance, in the morning when you wake, sit quietly for 10 minutes in the morning with your first cup of coffee, tea, milk, juice and think about how your day is going to be. Focus on positive things and thoughts. Don’t rush yourself. Find books that speak to your soul and steal moments to dig into them every day, or music that brightens the mood, emotions or calms the soul and inspires the mind.
- Meditate/Pray.
“I find the most useful method to be the gift, to oneself, of a daily meditation,” Duffy said. “In those moments between the thoughts, we allow ourselves peace of mind that can carry us through even the most stressful days.” Prayer is another form of meditation where you can take time to focus on gifts, blessings, thankfulness and spiritual enlightenment.
- Be your own best friend.
“Any time you hear the negative put-downs swirling around your head, think about what you’d say to your best friend or sister or daughter, and then rewrite the script with love,” Conway said.
Again, cultivating a positive relationship with yourself is the building block for your whole world. It is most important to have a great relationship with yourself because it is the ONLY relationship you are guaranteed to have every day of your life. When no one is there – you always are!!!
For personal help with your life and relationship, contact Dr. Kathie Mathis, Psy.D, at www.drkathiemathis.com or www.theccbi.com
