I often teach on love and relationship. People don’t seem to understand what love really is, much less how to ask for it if they don’t have it. Yes I said “ask” for it. Can we really ask for love? Well, think about it like this, if you are in a relationship that is lacking what YOU need, then how do you get your need met without asking for something to meet it? For instance, if you need a hug and the partner you are with is not the hugging type, if you don’t request one, “I really need a hug right now. Would you be willing to give me one?” then guess what – you won’t get one. People don’t read minds and when it is something that a person is not use to giving or thinking about – then it is not going to be something they do without a request to do it.
Why do we feel like we don’t have to ask? Who told us we shouldn’t ask and that the other person “should automatically know my needs without my telling them.” That is a big misconception and thought. No one knows what the other persons entire needs are unless they are made known and requested. So start asking for your love needs to be met in a kind and considerate manner.
I am a romantic girl. I like girl flicks, flowers, little love cards and notes, surprises of hugs and kisses, and, well, you get the idea. I sometimes will even buy myself flowers to fill the need I have to have a bouquet to make me feel better, brighten my day, whatever reason. I can sometimes fill my own “love cup” and don’t have to ask someone else to do it for me. Just part of my good self care.
I read the following and liked it so am passing it on to you to consider:
Love is a complicated topic and to prove this fact, the Greeks have three different words to describe it:
“Eros” is the word used to describe a kind of love rooted in physical attraction or chemistry. When we talk about “falling in love” we are referring to Eros.
“Philos” is more about affection and caring for a partner, family or friends. This is a type of love that makes us want to treat others kindly.
“Agape” is considered the highest form of love as it is selfless. It moves us to protect the well-being of others at any cost.
The cultural hype surrounding Valentine’s Day is about Eros. On Feb. 14, cards, flowers and candy abound. Unfortunately, no one teaches us that Eros generally has an expiration date.
To further take some of the “romance” out of it, Dr. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, claims that “romantic love is one of three basic brain systems that evolved for reproduction. Each evolved for a reason: The sex drive evolved to get you out there looking for partners. Romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your energy on just one person at a time, conserving time and energy. And attachment, the feeling of security you can feel with a long-term partner, evolved to help you stay together long enough to raise kids.”
If you are suddenly feeling disheartened and cynical about your love life, here are some ways to keep romantic love alive long after Cupid shoots his arrow:
*Realize that if romantic love is to endure beyond the intense Eros phase, you must have a solid foundation of friendship, shared values and goals, respect and some common interests.
*Don’t take your spouse or significant other for granted by being neglectful or disrespectful. Romantic love is conditional and can ultimately die if left untended.
*Create time alone to enjoy each other’s company. This can be as simple and affordable as a walk on the beach, or as complicated and expensive as an exotic getaway.
A happy, healthy sex life won’t save a broken relationship but it will certainly make a good one even better. Even if it’s been many years since you and your partner fell head over heels in love, take time this Valentine’s Day to do something thoughtful for your Valentine and remember what brought you together in the first place.
