OUR INNER DIALOGUE WITH NEGATIVITY INFLUENCES HOW WE VIEW OUR RELATIONSHIPS, OUR ABILITIES, AND OUR ACHIEVEMENTS, NOT TO MENTION THE MOST IMPORTANT

INFLUENCE – OUR VIEW OF OURSELVES!

SELF-WORTH, SELF-ESTEEM, OR WHAT OTHER DEFINITION OF SELF THAT YOU WANT TO USE IS DEFINED AS THE “CORE OF EVERYTHING WE DO AND FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES.” UNDERSTANDING

ITS ROLE AND HOW IT IS TIED TO EMOTIONAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT.

IF WE HAVE LOW LEVELS OF SELF-WORTH THEN WE CREATE A NEGATIVE DIALOGUE OR NEGATIVE INNER CRITIC, THAT IT CAN CREATE NEGATIVE ACTIONS AND KEEP US FROM ACHIEVING GOALS.

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT HOW TO STOP THAT FROM HAPPENING. MANY RESEARCHERS BELIEVE THAT CULTIVATION “SELF-COMPASSION” IS THE KEY. BUT ONE WHO HAS LOW SELF-WORTH WOULD BE SERVED WELL TO FIND A COUNSELOR/THERAPIST TO HELP THEM ADDRESS THE PROBLEM OF HOW THE LOW SELF-WORTH DEVELOPED AND PROGRESSED.  HOW DID ONE BEGIN THE NEGATIVE STORY OR DIALOGUE ABOUT THEMSELVES THAT ARE “ENDLESS TAPES” OR “INTERNAL NEGATIVE DIALOGUE/CONVERSATIONS” THEY HAVE AND BELIEVE WHICH DICTATES HOW THEY VIEW THEIR RELATIONSHIPS, ACHIEVEMENTS AND ABILITIES.  WHAT HAPPENED THAT CREATED SELF-CRITICAL MESSAGES THAT ARE ON THIS ENDLESS TAPE IN OUR HEADS –ARE YOU AWARE OF THE ONE’S YOU HAVE? SOME PEOPLE ARE  NOT EVEN AWARE OF THE DIALOGUE GOING AND GOING AND GOING ENDLESSLY IN THEIR HEADS ON A DAILY BASIS MUCH LESS USE TOOLS TO STOP THOSE MESSAGES.  THIS CAN LEAD TO A DOWNWARD FALL RESULTING IN SIGNIFICANT DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY.

SO WHERE DOES IT BEGIN?  FOR MOST- IT BEGINS IN CHILDHOOD. CHILDHOOD IS GROUND ZERO FOR RECEIVING MESSAGES BOTH GOOD AND BAD THAT BECOME INTERNALIZED.  THE LESSONS AND BEHAVIORAL PATTERNS PEOPLE LEARN IN CHILDHOOD HAVE A SIGNIFICANT AND LONG LASTING AND SOMETIMES DAMAGING EFFECT. RESEARCH SHOWS THAT CHILDREN, FROM THE TIME THEY ARE BORN AND POSSIBLY IN UTERO, GET FEEDBACK ABOUT THEMSELVES WHICH THEY LEARN FROM. IF THEY HAVE POSITIVE ENVIRONMENTS OR AN ENVIRONMENT THAT ALLOWS THEM GROWTH AND INDIVIDUALITY WITH POSITIVE INFLUENCES, THEY ARE NOT AS NEGATIVELY EFFECTED WITH LOW SELF-WORTH. BUT IF THEY HAVE ENVIRONMENTS THAT ARE LOOSE, WITH NO BOUNDARIES, WITH LACK OF POSITIVE INFLUENCES, ARE VERBALLY PUT DOWN, AND HAVE LACK OF LOVING INFLUENCES AND PEOPLE, THEN THEY ARE AT RISK. THEY ARE RAISED WITH NOT KNOWING THE RULES AND BOUNDARIES OR EVEN WHAT THEY ARE. THEY FEEL VULNERABLE AND BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE NOT WORTH BEING HEARD, SEEN, LOVED, LOVE-ABLE, AND WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK OR WHO THEY ARE. SO WE NEED TO LOOK AT GIVING CHILDREN POSITIVE FEEDBACK, EMPATHY, LOVE, ATTENTION, FEELINGS OF BELONGING AND VALUE.

SELF-WORTH GOES BEYOND A “FEELING” AND IS A RISK FACTOR FOR DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, SUICIDE AND MORE. ACCORDING TO THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION MORE THAN 350 MILLION PEOPLE OF ALL AGES SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION WORLDWIDE. THEY STATE THAT DEPRESSION IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF DISABILITY WORLD WIDE (2012).

SO LET’S TALK A LITTLE ABOUT SELF-COMPASSION. HIGH LEVELS OF SELF-WORTH ARE OFTEN LINKED TO INCREASED LIFE SATISFACTION SO WE NEED TO BE FOCUSING ON SELF-COMPASSION. HOW DO WE RAISE SELF-WORTH? SELF-COMPASSION RESEARCH KRISTIN D. NEFF EXPLAINS IT THIS WAY: “COMPASSION…PRESUPPOSES THE RECOGNITION AND CLEAR SEEING OF SUFFERING. IT ENTAILS FEELINGS OF KINDNESS, CARE, AND UNDERSTANDING FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE IN PAIN SO THAT THE DESIRE TO AMELIORATE SUFFERING NATURALLY EMERGES. FINALLY, COMPASSION INVOLVES RECOGNIZING THE SHARED HUMAN CONDITION, FRAGILE AND IMPERFECT AS IT IS. SELF-COMPASSION HAS EXACTLY THE SAME QUALITIES – IT IS JUST COMPASSION TURNED INWARD.”

ULTIMATELY SELF-COMPASSION IS ABOUT ACCEPTANCE. ACCEPTANCE INCREASES KNOWLEDGE. ONE MAY COME TO UNDERSTAND THAT THE MESSAGES AND “VOICES” IN THEIR HEAD ARE NOT THEIR OWN BUT SOMEONE ELSE’S. IF YOU FIND THAT YOU HAVE PROBLEM WITH SELF-COMPASSION THEN FIND A PROFESSIONAL TRAINED TO HELP YOU. YOU WILL WANT TO FIND SOMEONE WHO CREATES AN ENVIRONMENT THAT IS RELAXED AND COMFORTING SO THAT ONE FEELS SUPPORTED AND NURTURED AS THEY WORK TOWARDS SELF-COMPASSION. THE RELATIONSHIP ONE HAS WITH THE PROFESSIONAL IS VERY IMPORTANT AS WELL IN BUILDING TRUST, ACCEPTANCE AND HEALING. THE PROFESSIONAL WILL PROVIDE USEFUL TOOLS THAT WILL HELP GUIDE YOU TO FINDING YOUR TRUE SELF-WORTH AND SELF-COMPASSION SO THAT YOU HAVE A FUTURE THAT IS BRIGHTER, MORE SUCCESSFUL AND MORE FULFILLING IN ALL ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE. LAUGHTER, JOURNALING, AFFIRMATIONS AND OTHER TOOLS ARE BUILDING BLOCKS IN THIS PROCESS.

I THINK WE ALL CAN USE MORE SELF-COMPASSION AND INCREASE OUR LONGEVITY, IMPROVE OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS AND HAVE A MORE FULFILLED LIFE!