Don’t Believe These Domestic
Violence Myths
You can’t believe everything you read and hear about domestic violence. Here are eight common “myths” about domestic violence. They are not true.
MYTH #1:
Domestic violence is just a momentary loss of temper.
Domestic abuse is just the opposite of a “momentary loss of temper.” The batterer makes a conscious decision to batter. It is an ongoing technique used by the batterer to enforce control through the use of fear.
MYTH #2:
Domestic violence only happens in poor families.
Domestic violence occurs throughout all levels of society. There is no evidence that suggests that any income level, occupation, social class, or culture is immune from domestic violence. Wealthy, educated, professionals are just as prone to violence as anyone.
MYTH #3:
Domestic violence is just an occasional slap or punch that isn’t serious.
Victims are often seriously injured. Over 30% of the women seeking care in hospital emergency rooms are there because they have been injured by their domestic partners. Battered women are more likely to suffer miscarriages or to give birth prematurely.
MYTH #4:
Head of households have the right to control the people they support.
No partner in a domestic relationship has the right to control the other partner.
MYTH #5:
The victim can always walk away from the relationship.
Victims usually do not have any place to go where they will be safe from the batterer. Because of the ongoing history of the abusive relationship, the batterer knows all of the victim’s options and can follow the victim there. It takes money, a support network, and time for detailed planning to ensure that a victim can escape – luxuries not always available to victims. Sometimes it’s safer for the victim to stay with the batterer for the time being than to try and escape.
MYTH #6:
If the batterer is truly sorry and promises to reform, the abuse is going to stop.
Remorse and begging for forgiveness are part of the method used by batterers to control their victims. Batterers rarely stop battering.
MYTH #7:
If the violent episodes don’t happen very often the situation is not that serious.
Even if the violence doesn’t happen often, the threat of it remains as a terrorizing means of control. No matter how far apart the violent episodes are, each one is a reminder of the one that happened before and creates fear of the one that will happen in the future.
MYTH #8:
Victims have the types of personalities that seek out and encourage abuse.
A number of studies have determined that there is no set of personality traits that describe victims of domestic violence. It is the batterer who is responsible for the battering, not the victim.
MYTH #9:
Abuse is always an escalating pattern.
An abuser will frequently learn early what “works” for them and can use that method in a cold and calculating way. Because the abuse is not worsening or escalating does not make it less of a threat. Just as batterers rarely stop battering, they rarely stop behavior that gains the results they desire.
