Batterers of intimate partner violence pick a victim for a purpose as well as use negative behaviors and attitudes to achieve their “needs” and “purpose” for power and control. When they come to a 52 week batterers intervention program, they continue to participate in their manipulation, entitlement and negative behaviors because they have not been given enough consequences and “need change” demands from society, law enforcement and judicial entities.
When working with this population, there are some “musts” that need to be addressed. Stopping negative rumination, “checking” techniques for pressure and stress in body and mind, along with other de-escalation techniques like “time outs” and “stop light” methods should be early intervention tools given to keep the victim and children safe.
If you know of someone who is using jealousy, stalking another in the form of excessive phone calls, emails, following someone, name calling, and who tells someone where they can go and who they can see – they are abusive. Here are some common characteristics: Selfish, Self-Centered, Entitlement, Blaming, Justifying, Manipulation, Lying, Minimizing, and using techniques that keep another from feeling safe – then you probably know a batterer.
There is help and this person should be given consequences that help them decide to stop using “need/purpose” driven behaviors and become the person who has mutuality and unconditional positive regard in their life and in their relationships.
