I received a phone call this morning that was from a victim of abuse. This person was desperately needing someone to listen, to empathize, to help restore and calm the turmoil they found themselves going through. I was reminded that during this time of holiday frenzy and fun, there are those who are not feeling the spirit of joy due to circumstances.
Understanding mindfulness, restoration, grace, empathy, and depression, as well as other “loving awareness” practices that people want from me, I told this person that it is not where you are coming from but where you are and where you want to be that we need to focus on. I love in the movie, “Madea’s Family Reunion” where Madea says, “It is not what people call you that is important – it is what you answer to.” People will say and do things to us throughout our life time, but it is what we respond to and allow ourselves to answer to that defines us. Another way of putting it is this way – it is not where you you come from but where you stand that is important.
So it got me to thinking about how to help someone find “where they stand” so that they can have a more joyful and fulfilled life. Defining who we are when a victim of abuse is still in the middle of the battle with an abuser through court process, custody issues, etc. is not an easy task. But it can be a process that begins during that time and continues after that relationship ends and the person is trying to put back the piece’s of their life.
I came up with the 10 top steps I believe are important in restoration and recovery. The steps apply to most anything in life that we want to work on, change, and improve from. Whether it is a mother/daughter relationship, a father/son relationship, victim/abuser relationship, God/child of God relationship, the steps listed below will help you to become the awesome person you are and to help you have a more fulfilled life. Your purpose and passion can be discovered.
TEN STEPS TO HAVING A MORE FULFILLED LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP!!! By Dr. Kathie Mathis
Recognition (of whatever)
Investigate ( describe)
Acknowledge (need for ……)
Acceptance and forgiveness (vulnerability to ……..)
Respond…….
Incorporate (measures of change…….)
Practice it (Fake it until you make it if necessary)………
Take time to listen to your inner self while practicing………(Mindfulness daily…….)
Restoration (Results/outcomes ……….)
Develop your skills of happier living and find the happier relationships you will have as a result. The one step that is the most important is forgiveness. It can be forgiveness of self or another. But the definition of forgiveness that I want you to focus on is this: “Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.” It is where we stand today and what we do today that will change our future and our “future pasts.”
Have a wonderful New Year and live with your purpose and passion. Be blessed because you decided to be !!! Kathie Mathis, Psy.D, NCP, DAPA, CAMF, CDAC, CSAC, CLC