Part 2 of story of child survivor of abuse (more to come)

November 29 , 2020 / Posted by Kathie Mathis / Uncategorized / No Comments

Part 2 of story of child survivor of abuse (more to come)

When I was growing up, my family made me feel like I was an outsider. I felt like the only time I was appreciated was when I did extremely well. Otherwise I was useless. Their standards were extremely high and impossible to reach. My aunts and uncles were always comparing me to my cousin. They kept asking me why I couldn’t be more like them. My mom was also like this, she constantly told me that I was a disappointment and that my grades weren’t good enough. Eventually I just stopped trying to be perfect. I knew that no matter what I did it would never be good enough for them. When I stopped trying, they ignored me and proved my point. It sucked not ever being enough. I wasn’t Asian enough, smart enough, and I came from a broken home. In their eyes I couldn’t be a bigger disappointment. My aunts and uncles would constantly ask my parents “aren’t you disappointed she’s not a boy”. When they noticed I was there, they didn’t care. They were so hellbent on breaking me down and making sure that my mom did the same. One of my aunts felt bad for me and tried to get me to participate in the games they played. She tried but at the end of the day she stayed quiet when they made me feel like nothing. I didn’t even want to see them anymore which sounds heartless, but when your uncles can’t even remember your name or your birthday, what’s the point? They didn’t even want to try and remember my birthday. So I didn’t try either. I was oddly fine with being the unwanted kid. My mom on the other hand couldn’t be more mad, not because they treated me like I was trash, but because she was at the bottom of the family. In my family, there’s a hierarchy. Whoever is richest, or has boys is at the top. My grandfather was our patriarch. My mother was the second oldest but she was a girl and had to marry well. My uncle had two boys and had a flipped houses, which automatically put him at the top. My mom married a white man, but my dad was the CEO of his construction company. My mom, who now brought in the most money, was at the top. But then my mom ruined everything, and convinced my dad to sell his company. My dad was okay with this because he loved my mom, and he got a job at a construction company. My mom worked as a director of nutritional services. My dad was by no means unsuccessful, he had a beautiful and smart wife, an amazing daughter, a great job, owned property, and was doing great. But it wasn’t enough for my mom’s family. In their eyes the worst thing she could’ve done was marry a white man because she had “tainted” the family. She didn’t even have a boy. She had a mixed halfblood girl, who didn’t look Asian. From that point on, my aunts and uncles ganged up on her. My mom couldn’t believe how far she had fallen. But she already had a plan in the works to get herself out of the hole she was in.

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