Domestic Violence: Healing the Wounds: Millions of people are in abusive relationships, or directly affected by one. After living in an abusive relationship, problems don’t end when victims escape the nightmare. The abuser sees his/her victim’s as property/objects that they own and even after a victim leaves – this mindset keeps the abuser continuing to harass/stalk/verbally attack and abuse the victim (s). The abuser’s psychological and physical attacks leave deep wounds that are difficult to heal unless carefully attended to in the aftermath of such trauma. Domestic Violence creates a soul storm resulting in soul trauma due to its emotional down to the very cells of one’s body being harmed.

There is hope for survivors of domestic violence. Although difficult and painful, recovery from abuse is possible. The healing process starts with recognizing how domestic violence impacts its survivors.

The impact Survivors of domestic violence recount stories of put-downs, public humiliation, name-calling, mind games and manipulations by the abuser. Psychological scars left by psychological and verbal abuse are often the most difficult to recover from -more than physical injuries. They often have lasting effects even after the relationship has ended. The survivor’s self-esteem is trampled in the course of being told repeatedly that they are worthless, stupid, untrustworthy, ugly or despised.

It is common for an abuser to be extremely jealous and controlling, and insist that the victim not see friends or family members. The victim may be forbidden to work or leave the house without the abuser. If the victim is employed, they often lose their job due to the chaos created by such relationships.

This isolation increases the abuser’s control over the victim and results in the victim losing any emotional, social or financial support from the outside world. This increases the victim’s dependence upon the abuser, making it more difficult to leave the relationship. If she/he does leave, she/he often finds they are totally alone and unable to feel supported.

A traumatic experience Domestic violence is a traumatic experience for its victims. Traumatic experiences produce emotional shock and other psychological problems. The American Psychiatric Association has identified a specific type of mental distress common to survivors of trauma called posttraumatic stress disorder or PTSD. Common reactions to trauma include:

  • Fear and anxiety — While normal responses to dangerous situations, fear and anxiety can become a permanent emotional state without professional help. Memories of the trauma can trigger intense anxiety and immobilize the survivor. Children may express their fears by becoming hyperactive, aggressive, develop phobias or revert to infantile behavior. They live in constant fear as the limbic system of the brain takes over in abusive homes when parents are fighting.
  • Nightmares and flashbacks — Because the trauma is so shocking and different from normal everyday experiences, the mind cannot rid itself of unwanted and intrusive thoughts and images. Nightmares are especially common in children.
  • Being in “danger mode” — Jitteriness, being easily startled or distracted, concentration problems, impatience and irritability are all common to being in a “heightened state of alert” and are part of one’s survival instinct (limbic system reaction). Children’s reactions tend to be expressed physically because they are less able to verbalize their feelings. There is harm to the brain of children and declarative memory is harmed and diminished.
  • Guilt, shame and blame — Survivors often blame themselves for allowing the abuse to occur and continue for as long as it did. Survivors feel guilty for allowing their children to be victimized. Sometimes others blame the survivors for allowing themselves to be victims. These emotions increase the survivor’s negative self-image and distrustful view of the world.
  • Grief and depression — Feelings of loss, sadness and hopelessness are signs of depression. Crying spells, social withdrawal and suicidal thoughts are common when grieving over the loss and disappointment of a disastrous relationship.
  • Trauma Bonding – a type of bond that is a “cement” bond created by trauma and intermittent acts of kindness or “fake” kindness which makes the victim think the batterer cares and “loves” them. It is a “grooming” tool by a batterer to keep the victim in the relationship and to keep the “hope” alive that they care about the victim.

For more information on domestic violence, trauma and recovery, contact Dr. Kathie Mathis at www.theccbi.com. Recovery from domestic violence is a step-by-step process; a journey no one should take alone. The first step toward becoming a survivor is taken when victims call for help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is (800) 799-SAFE.