I think that the hardest part about having a family like mine is that I’ll never be able to be my real self around them. (By family, I mean my extended family.) I hated that I have to hide my real self around my family and mom. My mom is definitely stubborn and I think that’s why I won’t be able to have a relationship with her. A lot of her beliefs and morals are close-minded. Her family is also pretty close-minded. Honestly, I miss having a family. I’ve always known that I wouldn’t be welcomed, especially since I’ve filed against my mother but also because I’m queer. I know that no matter what they will never welcome me. And I’ve never really been welcomed, I was always tolerated and pitied because my dad worked a lot. Looking back on it, they pitied my mother more because “I’ve ruined the bloodline” being mixed. It’s ideals like these that made me realize that if I came out, they would “banish” me. They would definitely use me as a cautionary tale to my younger cousins. And though I’m not out to them, I’m sure my Instagram profile has popped up on their recommended list. When that happens, if it hasn’t already, it’ll be chaos. My aunts will tell my mom that it was a mistake marrying a white man and because she did that I’ve turned out this way. My mother will try to ignore it but will sooner or later scream at me saying “how could I do this to her” and that “I’ve ruined her”. Status is everything to my mother and she’ll turn to drastic measures so she can restore her status in the family hierarchy. It’s disgusting that my family has a hierarchy and that my dad and I have been shunned. My dad, because he didn’t have enough money and me, for obvious reasons. I’m glad that I’m away from that hateful environment but my future is slightly uncertain. Which wouldn’t be bad for someone my age but it’s scary for me. I am in the middle of a court situation as a minor so that’s not fun. Especially because the court will still be biased because mothers are always favored because they are “nurturing”. Which is total BS in my case. Anyway, on one hand if my dad gets custody, that’ll be great. On the other hand, if my mother gets custody, it’ll be hell for me. I was already on thin ice. When my mom did have custody (from Sep 2019-March 2020) she dragged me kicking and screaming to get my passport updated. She then scheduled a trip to Paris, France for August of last year without telling me. It was scary because I would be stranded in a foreign country with my abusive mother. If she gets custody there’s no telling what she could do. Thankfully, my birthday is coming up, so I’ll be older and a judge will have to legally take my opinion in to account. So there’s that. It’ll definitely be the best birthday present I’ve ever gotten. So in a couple weeks my future will be less scary uncertain and more good-but-nervous uncertain.