IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING

OCTOBER IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH AND I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOME INSIGHT THAT HOPEFULLY WILL BE HELPFUL FOR ANY OF YOU WHO MIGHT FIND YOURSELF IN A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RELATIONSHIP OR WHO HAVE LEFT THIS TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP AND ARE STRUGGLING WITH GUILT PUT ON YOU BY WELL MEANING CHURCH FAMILY MEMBERS OR BLOOD FAMILY MEMBERS.

I WANT TO START OFF BY QUOTING 2 CORINTHIANS 11:13-15 “FOR SUCH MEN ARE FALSE APOSTLES, DECEITHFUL WORKMEN, DISGUISING THEMSELVES AS APOSTLES OF CHRIST. AND NO WONDER, FOR EVEN SATAN DISGUISES HIMSELF AS AN ANGEL OF LIGHT. SO IT IS NO SURPRISE IF HIS SERVANTS, ALSO, DISGUISE THEMSELVES AS SERVANTS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS. THEIR END WILL CORRESPOND TO THEIR DEEDS.”

THE BIBILE TALKS ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE YET IT IS A TOPIC THAT A LOT OF PASTORS AND CHURCH’S DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT BECAUSE IT IS A DOWNER AS THEY SAY. AND WE NEED TO CALL OUT THE SIN OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND HOLD THE PERPETRATORS OF IT ACCOUNTABLE. 

WE ALSO KNOW THAT THERE ARE AMAZING STORIES FOR US TO HEAR ABOUT HEALING, RESILIENCE, SALVATION AND VICTORIES OVER IT, THAT EMPOWER INDIVIDUALS GOING THROUGH IT AND NEED TO HEAR THAT AS THEY FEEL POWERLESS IN THEIR SITUATIONS. SO WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE LATTER THIS MORNING AFTER WE TALK ABOUT THOSE WHO PERPETRATE IT. THOSE WALKING AROUND AS PREDATORS IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING.

SO TAKE THIS SHORT JOURNEY WITH INTO UNMASKING THIS PREDATOR IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING. LET’S SEE THEM FOR WHO THEY REALLY ARE, NOT WHO WE WANT TO SEE THEM AS, AND HOLD THEM ACCOUNTABLE THROUGH REPORTING, PRAYING AND HONEST TALKS WITH THEM ABOUT THEIR BEHAVIORS AND ATTITUDES THAT CAUSE SOUL TRAUMA IN THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS.

GOD’S LOVE(AGAPE LOVE) IS DEFINED AS UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD OR IN OTHER WORDS LIMITLESS GOOD FOR THE OTHER IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.  ABUSE CERTAINLY FALLS SHORT OF AGAPE LOVE AND THE ONLY PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT IS THE ABUSER. VICTIMS ARE NEVER RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS INTIMATE TERRORISM HAPPENING IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ABUSER.

SO LET’S LOOK AT CHARACTERISTICS THIS WOLF IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING HAS:

  1. CHARMING
  2. SELFISH
  3. BLAMING
  4. JUSTIFYING
  5. MINIMIZING THEIR ROLE IN ARGUMENTS AND ABUSE
  6. CLAIM TO BE LOVERS OF GOD
  7. MASTER MANIPULATORS
  8. CONTROLLING
  9. POWER CENTERED AND NOT GOD CENTERED
  10. USE BIBLE SCRIPTURES AGAINST THEIR VICTIMS
  11. USE SELF RIGHTEOUS WORDS REGARDING THEMSELVES AND PUT DOWNS AND DEMEANING WORDS TOWARDS THEIR PARTNERS AND CHILDREN
  12. LIE TO OTHERS
  13. “HIDE” UNDER THE GUISE OF BEING SPIRITUAL MEN/WOMEN AND PARTICIPATE FULLY IN CHURCH ACTIVITIES TO FOOL THE CHURCH INTO THINKING THEY ARE TELLING TRUTHS WHILE THEIR PARTNER IS NOT TELLING TRUTHS. GIVE STORY OF YOUR CLIENT HERE
  14. TELL YOU WHAT TO WEAR, WHAT TO EAT, ASK YOU WHERE YOU WERE AND WHO YOU WERE WITH – JEALOUSY AND POSSESSIVE
  15. APPEAR GODLY IN CHURCH BUT BEHIND CLOSED DOORS IS A DEVIL

DAVID DESCRIBES ONE THIS WAY: My companion attacks his friends; he violates his covenant.
His talk is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart;
his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords. — Psalm 55:20-21

IF THESE CHARACTERISTICS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU THEN YOU NEED TO BE SEEKING HELP. WHETHER YOU ARE THIS PERSON OR WHETHER YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS PERSON – YOU NEED HELP.  THIS ABUSIVE PREDATOR IS GOING TO CREATE A SOUL STORM IN YOU IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM/HER.  THEIR PURPOSE IS TO DESTROY YOU AND YOUR PERSONHOOD AND TAKE TOTAL POWER AND CONTROL OVER YOU TO PROVE TO THEMSELVES HOW POWERFUL THEY ARE AT YOUR EXPENSE.

Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught because of what my enemy is saying,
because of the threats of the wicked; for they bring down suffering on me. — Psalm 55:1-3

A painful truth about domestic violence is that ending a violent relationship can require navigating a minefield of emotional loss and loneliness. Many violent relationships endure multiple breakups and reunions. Leaving is not a simple choice. Rarely are relationships one-dimensional. There are shared history, shared dreams, and shared pain. While it is true that many abusers hold their victims captive through threats of violence, reputation destruction, financial ruin or physical danger, many victims also stay because loving your intimate enemy is a very painful path with few attractive alternative choices other than remaining in the relationship.

GOD DOES NOT INTEND FOR US TO STAY IN THESE TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS. THE MARRIAGE VOW IS BROKEN THE FIRST TIME THE ACT OF ABUSE HAPPENS. I KNOW MANY OF YOU HAVE HEAR SOME OF THE BIBLE VERSES USED TO KEEP VICTIMS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP SUCH AS:

1 CORINTHIANS 6:5-7: We should not go against our Brother, hence even where the law of the land could help to protect us from the violence or assaults we are experiencing, we deny ourselves that protection.

Well let’s look at this text in another way.  Read it again emphasizing “WE” deny ourselves that protection – meaning we choose to not report abuse, tell about our abuse and expose the abuser – that is OUR secret keeping choice either because we are being threatened or we are ashamed. This text has nothing to do with our STAYING IN A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE GOD WANTS US TO – it is about our choosing not to hold someone accountable and denying ourselves the protections that are ours to have if we would choose them.

  1. ANOTHER COMMON ONE IS “SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBAND AS UNTO CHRIST (EPHISIANS 5:22, 24; Col. 3:18), EVEN IF OUR HUSBAND IS NOT ACTING IN A CHRIST LIKE MANNER (1 PETER 3:1) OUR BODY NO LONGER BELONGS TO US BUT TO OUR HUSBAND- WHAT RIGHT DO WE THEREFORE HAVE TO OBJECT TO HIS TREATMENT OF IT/US? (1 COR. 7-4) THIS IS ESPECIALLY A PROBLEM IF WE ARE VICTIMS OF SEXUAL ABUSE AND MARITAL RAPE – DO WE HAVE A RIGHT TO OBJECT TO OUR HUSBANDS USING OUR BODIES SEXUALLY AGAINST OUR WILL? IF OUR HUSBANDS ARE MEN OF GOD THEN THIS WOULD NOT BE HAPPENING BETWEEN US AND THEM. THEY WOULD BE TREATING THEIR PARTNERS AND LOVING THEIR PARTNERS AS GOD LOVES HIS CHURCH/CHILDREN.
  2. 1 CORINTHIANS 7: 10, 39 – MUST NOT SEPARATE OURSELVES FROM OUR HUSBANDS, BUT ARE BOUND FOR LIFE BY MARRIAGE HENCE MOVING INTO A REFUGE OR SAFEHOUSE TO ESCAPE THE ABUSE IS NOT AN OPTION WE MAY CONSIDER AS THAT WOULD SEEM TO BE SEPARATING OURSELVES FROM OUR HUSBAND.

WE KNOW PASTORS AND OTHERS WHO MEAN WELL, USE EVERY TEXT THEY CAN FIND TO TELL US TO PRAY MORE, SUBMIT MORE, SUFFERING IS WHAT GOD WANTS FROM US,  AND GOD IS FAITHFUL AND WILL NOT LET YOU SUFFER BEYOND WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF, AND ON AND ON.

ALL OF THESE COLLUDE WITH AN ABUSER.  ALL OF THESE ARE TEXTS THAT CAN BE COUNTERED WITH TEXTS OF HOPE, LOVE, AND ADVOCACY.

  1. I CORINTIANS 3:16 AND HOPE DOES NOT PUT US TO SHAME, BECAUSE GOD’S LOVE HAS BEEN POURED INTO OUR HEARTS THROUGH THE HOLY SPIRIT, WHO HAS BEEN GIVEN TO US.
  2. 1 CORINTHIANS 6:19-20 I WILL ASK THE FATHER, AND HE WILL GIVE YOU ANOTHER ADVOCATE TO HELP YOU AND BE WITH YOU FOREVER
  3. HEBREWS 13:4 “LET MARRIAGE BE HELD IN HONOR AMONG ALL….”

BUT THE BIBLE POINTS OUT THAT THE CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSERS AND THEIR ACTIONS ARE SINS AS WELL AS THE SIN OF ADULTRY:

  1. 2 CORINTHIANS 11: 13-15: “FOR SUCH MEN ARE FALSE APOSTLES, DECEITFUL WORKMEN, DISGUISING THEMSELVES AS APOSTLES OF CHRIST. AND NO WONDER, FOR EVEN SATAN DISGUISES HIMSELF AS AN ANGEL OF LIGHT. SO IT IS NO SURPRISE IF HIS SERVANTS, ALSO, DISGUISE THEMSELVES AS SERVANTS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS. THEIR END WILL CORRESPOND TO THEIR DEEDS.”
  2. ROMANS 1:29-32: THEY WERE FILLED WITH ALL MANNER OF UNRIGHTEOUSNESS, EVIL, COVETOUSNESS, MALICE. THEY ARE FULL OF ENVY, MURDER, STRIFE, DECEIT, MALICIOUSNESS. THEY ARE GOSSIPS, SLANDERERS, HATERS OF GOD, INSOLENT, HAUGHTY, BOASTFUL, INVENTERS OF EVIL, DISOBEDIENT, FOOLISH, HEARTLESS, RUTHLESS….THOSE WHO PRACTICE SUCH THINGS DESERVE TO DIE, THEY NOT ONLY DO THEM BUT GIVE APPROVAL TO THOSE WHO PRACTICE THEM.
  3. REVELATION 21:8 : BUT AS FOR THE COWARDLY, THE FAITHLESS, THE DETESTABLE, AS FOR MURDERERS, THE SEXUALLY IMMORAL….AND ALL LIARS, THEIR PORTION WILL BE IN THE LAKE THAT BURNS WITH FIRE AND SULFUR, WHICH IS THE SECOND DEATH.
  4. EPHESIANS 5: 1-33 ESV: THEREFORE BE IMITATORS OF GOD….LET THERGE BE NO COVENTOUSNESS, LET THERE BE NO FILTHINESS NOR FULISH TALK NOR CRUDE JOKING, WHICH ARE OUT OF PLACE…FOR YOU MAY BE SURE OF THIS, THAT EVERYONE WHO IS IMMORAL OR IMPURE, WHO IS COVETOUS, HAS NO INHERITANCE IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD..”
  5. GALATIANS 5:19-21: NOW THE WORKS OF THE FLESH ARE EVIDENT: ..SEXUAL IMMORALITY, IMPURITY, SORCERY, ENMITY, STRIFE, JEALOUSY, FITS OF ANGER, RIVALRIES, DISSENSIONS, DIVERSIONS, ENVY…..I WARNED YOU THAT THOSE WHO DO SUCH THINGS WILL NOT INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

 

CERTAINLY IF WE RECEIVE POWER THROUGH THE HOLY SPIRIT AND BECOME WITNESSES TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH, WE ARE NOT TO BE IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH SOMEONE WHO HURTS US, TAKES AWAY OUR PERSONHOOD AND CLOKES US WITH ABUSE, HATE, AND POWER AND CONTROL.  WE WOULD NOT HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE A WITNESS BECAUSE WE ARE TOO FOCUSED ON SAFETY FOR OURSELVES AND OUR CHILDREN; TOO FOCUSED ON TRYING TO GET THE ABUSER TO STOP THEIR ABUSE AND WE WOULD BE SO FOCUSED ON TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF HOW WE GOT IN THE POSITION WE ARE IN, AND WHAT DO WE DO, AND HOW DO WE GET OUT OR GET IT TO CHANGE. WE ARE SO FOCUSED ON OURSELVES THAT THE HOLY SPIRIT IS NOT ABLE TO GIVE US THE GOOD GIFTS TO OUR CHILDREN, TO BE BUILDING OURSELVES UP AND KEEPING OURSELVES IN GODS LOVE (ACTS 4:31).  WE ARE BLOCKING AND BEING BLOCKED BY LIVING A LIFE WITH ABUSE AND TRAUMA IN IT TO BE ABLE TO BE THE PERSON GOD INTENDED FOR US TO BE. WE ARE VICTIMS CHAINED TO SOMEONE WHO IS BROKEN AND FILLED WITH EVIL ATTITUDES, BEHAVIORS AND BELIEFS, ALLOWING THE DEVIL TO BE THE CENTER OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND NOT GOD.

THE DEVIL BLOCKS GODS LOVE AND PROMISES OF A LIFE OF PROSPERITY, LOVE, AND ETERNAL CONNECTEDNESS TO HIS MERCY WHEN WE STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT GOD NEVER INTENDED FOR US TO HAVE.

TITUS 3:2 STATES: TO SPEAK EVIL OF NO ONE, TO AVOID QUARRELING, TO BE GENTLE, AND TO SHOW PERFECT COURTESY TOWARD ALL PEOPLE. 

THIS IS THE LOVE WE ARE TO HAVE FOR EACH OTHER. 1 TIMOTHY 3:1-6 SAYS …THE HUSBAND OF ONE WIFE, SOBER-MINDED, SELF-CONTROLLED, RESPECTABLE, HOSPITABLE, ABLE TO TEACH, NOT A DRUNKARD, NOT VIOLENT BUT GENTLE, NOT WUARRELSOME, NOT A LOVER OF MONEY. HE MUST MANAGE HIS HOUSEHOLD WELL….

LOVE – UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD – LIMITLESS GOOD FOR THE OTHER IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS – IS NOT ABUSE. IT IS NOT NAME CALLING, PUT DOWNS, PHYSICAL HARM, INTIMIDATIONS, COERCIONS, THREATS, GAS LIGHTING AND LYING; IT CERTAINLY IS NOT STAYING IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS NOT CENTERED AROUND GOD AND HIS COMMAND TO LOVE OTHERS AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. IT IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU WILL RECEIVE THE GIFT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. 

NO MY FRIENDS, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A SIN AND MUST BE CALLED AS IT IS – AN EVIL AND TERRORIST ACT BY SOMEONE WHO FEELS ENTITLED TO DESTROY THE SOUL AND PERSONHOOD OF THEIR PARTNER AND CHILDREN.  IT IS EVIL. IT MUST BE STOPPED AND THE FAMILY MUST HEAL – FROM THE CHILDREN TO THE ADULTS.

2 PETER 1:21 SAYS; MAY THE GRACE OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, AND THE LOVE OF GOD, AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE HOLY SPIRIT BE WITH YOU ALL.

JOHN 14:26 SAYS THE FATHER WILL SEND IN MY NAME, THE HOLY SPIRIT, HE WILL TEACH YOU – THE HOLY SPIRIT PROVIDES WISE COUNSEL AND GOD NEEDED A WISE COUNSELOR TO HELP HIS PEOPLE.

ATTORNEYS ALSO PROVIDE WISE COUNSEL TO IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASES TO CONVICT PERPETRATORS AND TO HELP A VICTIM TESTIFY ABOUT THEIR ABUSE EXPERIENCE ACTS 5:32 SAYS “WHEN THE ADOVCATE COMES, WHO I WILL SEND TO YOU…THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH GOES OUT..HE WILL TESTIFY ….

MARK 13:11 – AND I WILL PUT MY SPIRIT IN YOU AND MOVE YOU TO FOLLOW MY DECREES AND BE CAREFUL TO KEEP MY LAWS.

WE ARE GIVEN THE HOLY SPIRIT SO THAT THINGS MAY BE REVEALED TO US. THE HOLY SPIRIT OPENS BELIEVERS EYES TO THE HOPE OF SALVATION AND THE INHERITANCE WE HAVE IN CHRIST AND TO ACCESS WISDOM AND THAT “WE MAY KNOW HIS RICHES AND GLORIOUS INHERITANCE PROMISED US BECAUSE WE LOVE EACH OTHER WITH UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD. TRUE AGAPE LOVE.

TITUS 3:4-6: HE SAVED US THROUGH THE WASHIG OF REBIRTH AND RENEWAL BY THE HOLY SPIRIT, WHOM HE POURED OUT ON US GENEROUSLY THROUGH JESUS CHRIST OUR SAVIOR. GOD CHOSE YOU AS FIRST FRUITS TO BE SAVED THROUGH SATISFYING WORK OF THE SPIRIT AND THROUGH BELIEF IN TRUTH.

ROMANS 8:14-16 SAYS THE SPIRIT YOU RECEIVED DOES NOT MAKE YOU SLAVES, SO THAT YOU LIVE IN FEAR, RATHER, THE SPIRIT YOU RECEIVED BROUGHT ABOUT YOUR ADOPTION TO SONSHIP/DAUGHTERSHIP….AND BY HIM WE CRY ABBA FATHER.

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. 
But you, God, will bring down the wicked into the pit of decay; the bloodthirsty and deceitful will not live out half their days.
But as for me, I trust in you. — Psalm 55:22-23

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS A CIVIL RIGHTS CRIME. Violent abuse can never trace its origins to love. Instead, violence expresses lust for power and control — an unjustifiable desire to dominate another person made in the image of God.  As people of faith, we should not shrink from the difficult truth of this pervasive injustice that affects our communities. We should seek to confront the reality of the broken world in which we participate and pray for opportunities to be part of Christ’s redemptive work of healing and justice.

ENDING THE MARRIAGE VOW BY STATING ADULTRY ALONE IS THE ONLY REASON WE CAN DIVORCE IS LUDICROUS. WHEN WE ARE IGNORANT OF ALL THE OTHER REASONS WE ARE GIVEN, IT MINIMIZES THE IMPORTANCE OF OUR VOWS TO LOVE, CHERISH, HONOR, COMFORT, KEEPING EACH OTHER IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, AND SO ON. ALL VOWS ARE EQUALLY IMPORTANT AND EVERY CLAUSE MATTERS. GOD PROVIDES A VICTIMIZED SPOUSE WITH THE PEROGATIVE TO END A MARRIAGE AND WE HAVE JUST SEEN HOW WE ARE TOLD THIS IS SO.

LUKE 10:25-28:  A LAWYER STOOD UP TO PUT HIM TO THE TEST, SAYING, “TEACHER, WHAT SHALL I DO TO INHERET ETERNAL LIFE?” HE SAID TO HIM, “WHAT IS WRITTEN IN THE LAW? HOW DO YOU READ IT?” AND HE ANSWERED, YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.” AND HE SAID TO HIM, “YOU HAVE ANSWERED CORRECTLY; DO THIS AND YOU WILL LIVE.”

THE MARRIAGE COVENENT IS THAT WE WILL LOVE THE LORD OUR GOD WITH ALL OUR HEARTS, SOULS, STRENGTH, MIND AND LOVE OUR NEIGHBOR AS OURSELVES SO THAT WE CAN DO THIS AND LIVE.

ANY ABUSIVE ACT BREAKS THE COVENANT GOD GAVE US IN LUKE 10: 25-28 COMMANDING US TO LOVE AND NOT ABUSE