THE POWER OF KNOWING WHO YOU ARE: A LESSON I HOPE MY GRANDDAUGHTER NEVER FORGETS
My granddaughter, Olivia, and I recently had a conversation that reminded me how important it is to teach our children something many adults still struggle to understand.
Olivia told me that her feelings had been hurt at school and that she had cried because other children were criticizing her soccer skills. I asked her whether what they were saying was true or whether they were lying. She told me they were lying because she is one of the top players on her team. And she is!
So I asked her, “If you know they are lying, why are you giving their words the power to hurt you?”
She explained that it hurt her feelings. That was very real to her!
And that opened the door to a lesson I hope she carries with her for the rest of her life.
People will criticize you throughout your life. Learn to distinguish between constructive criticism that can help you grow and destructive criticism intended to diminish you.
Listen to what is constructive. Consider it. Reflect on it. If there is something you can learn, use it to become better.
But when criticism is rooted in lies, cruelty, jealousy, or someone else’s insecurity, you do not have to accept it as your truth.
Someone else’s opinion of you does not define you.
I told Olivia that sometimes the most powerful thing you can do when someone is rude, negative, or dishonest about you is to turn around and walk away. You do not have to defend yourself against every accusation, argue with every critic, or convince everyone of your worth.
There is tremendous power in knowing when to stand your ground and when to walk away.
I still teach this lesson to people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s. It is amazing how long we can struggle with the need to explain ourselves, defend our character, and prove our worth to people who have already decided not to see us fairly.
Criticism is part of living. Whether it becomes an opportunity for growth or a source of unnecessary pain depends, in part, on how we evaluate it and what we choose to do with it.
When you know who you are, understand what you stand for, and live authentically and truthfully, you can listen to others without allowing their opinions to determine your value.
I know this because I have lived it.
Throughout my professional life, I have been told that no one would come to my trainings, no one would listen to me, and who was I to think I could make a difference in the mental health field? But my work speaks for itself as a winner of a presidential award, and other esteemed acknowledgments and awards for my work over the 40+ years. 
Because I was strong, direct, and confrontive, I was called a B—-H.
As a woman, I was told I needed to be quiet, to be seen and not heard. I heard these messages from both men and women who seemed uncomfortable with a woman who knew her mind, spoke her truth, and refused to make herself smaller to accommodate someone else’s expectations.
But I kept going.
Not because criticism never hurt, and not because I believed I had nothing left to learn. I kept going because I learned to separate feedback that could make me better from judgments that were never mine to carry.
I am not afraid of constructive criticism. Growth requires us to be willing to examine ourselves, acknowledge our mistakes, and consider perspectives different from our own.
When feedback is offered meaningfully and respectfully, I can hear it, process it, deliberate on it, and determine what serves my growth. That kind of criticism empowers me rather than diminishes me.
But destructive criticism? Lies? Attempts to silence me or make me question my worth because someone is uncomfortable with who I am?
Those do not get to determine my direction.
The lesson I shared with Olivia is one I wish someone had taught me when I was young. I had to learn it through experience, disappointment, and perseverance.
If I can help her understand this now, perhaps she will spend less of her life trying to prove herself to others and more of her life becoming the person she wants to be.
I want her to know that she can be kind without being a doormat, confident without being arrogant, strong without apologizing, and open to growth without surrendering her self-worth.
Most importantly, I want her to understand this:
You cannot control what other people say about you. You can control how much authority you give their words over your life.
Know who you are. Know what you stand for. Live in authenticity and truth. Be willing to grow, but never confuse another person’s cruelty with your own inadequacy.
And when someone tries to pull you into their negativity, remember that you do not have to stay for the argument.
Sometimes, the strongest response is to turn around, walk away, and continue being exactly who you know yourself to be.
That is the power of knowing your worth. And that is the lesson I hope Olivia carries with her for a lifetime.