When someone has a very full schedule, telling them to “make more time for themselves” can actually create more pressure. A better approach is to help them understand that self-care doesn’t have to mean finding hours of free time—it means intentionally protecting small moments of restoration.

1. Start by changing the mindset

Help them move from:

“I don’t have time for myself.”

to:

“I am allowed to have time for myself, even when life is busy.”

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish or a reward you earn after everything is finished. If the person is constantly waiting until everything is done, they may never get their turn.

2. Start with 5–10 minutes

Don’t begin with “Take the whole afternoon off.” That may feel impossible.

Try:

  • 5 minutes of quiet before checking the phone
  • A 10-minute walk
  • Sitting in the car for a few minutes before going inside
  • Drinking coffee or tea without multitasking
  • Listening to one favorite song
  • Taking several slow breaths
  • Sitting outside
  • Journaling for five minutes

Small moments of regulation repeated consistently can be more realistic than occasional large breaks.

3. Put yourself on the calendar

People protect appointments with other people but often cancel appointments with themselves.

Encourage them to schedule “me time” like an actual appointment.

Even 20–30 minutes can be protected time.

And when that time arrives, it doesn’t have to be productive.

4. Teach them to stop confusing rest with laziness

Someone who is highly responsible may feel guilty when they’re not accomplishing something.

Remind them:

Rest is not wasted time. Rest is maintenance.

The brain, body, and nervous system need periods when they aren’t solving problems, responding to demands, or taking care of someone else.

5. Look for “hidden time”

Instead of asking, “Where can I find another hour?” ask:

“Where am I already spending time that could become restorative?”

For example:

  • Commute → calming music or an audiobook
  • Lunch → eat away from the desk
  • Shower → intentional relaxation rather than rushing
  • Morning → 10 minutes before everyone else gets up
  • Evening → 20 minutes without work or household demands
  • Waiting for appointments → breathing, reading, or simply doing nothing

6. Teach the power of saying “not now”

A packed schedule is sometimes a scheduling problem—and sometimes a boundary problem.

Useful phrases include:

“I can’t take that on right now.”

“Let me check my schedule before I commit.”

“I have too much on my plate this week.”

“I can help, but not today.”

Learning to say no to some demands creates room to say yes to yourself.

7. Ask one powerful question

For someone who constantly takes care of everyone else, ask:

“If you gave everyone else the same amount of care that you give yourself, would you consider that healthy?”

That can open a deeper conversation about self-worth, boundaries, people-pleasing, and the belief that their value comes from what they do for others.

A simple daily practice

The 10–10–10 approach:

  • 10 minutes for your body — walk, stretch, breathe.
  • 10 minutes for your mind — read, journal, meditate, sit quietly.
  • 10 minutes for your joy — music, humor, nature, creativity, connection.

That’s only 30 minutes, and it can be divided throughout the day.

The ultimate goal isn’t to create a perfect schedule.

It’s to help the person recognize:

“I don’t have to finish everything before I am allowed to take care of myself.”

Dr. Kathie Mathis, Psy.D, DD, NCP#00775,