Bargain Hunting for a Spouse
When You Want Quality but Keep Choosing Clearance
There is something strange about the way people shop for a spouse.
They say they want honesty, loyalty, emotional maturity, stability, kindness, integrity, and commitment. They want someone who communicates, takes responsibility, respects boundaries, and knows how to love without destroying the person they love.
Then they meet someone who offers almost none of those things—and suddenly the standards become negotiable.
“Well, nobody is perfect.”
“He has potential.”
“She’s been through a lot.”
“They really love me.”
“We have incredible chemistry.”
No. You didn’t find a bargain. You found a discount on the very qualities you said mattered most.
Some people will spend more time researching a car than evaluating the person they are considering spending the rest of their life with. They’ll inspect the vehicle, check the history, compare prices, read reviews—and then marry someone based on attraction, loneliness, chemistry, or the hope that the person will eventually become who they need them to be.
That’s not love.
That’s emotional bargain hunting.
And bargains can be expensive.
The person you thought you could “fix” may cost you your peace. The person you thought would “change” may cost you years. The person you kept making excuses for may eventually cost you your self-respect.
Stop asking, “Do they want me?”
Start asking, “What exactly am I getting?”
Do they have character?
Can they take accountability without becoming defensive?
Do their actions match their words?
Can they disagree without becoming cruel?
Do they respect your boundaries?
Do they bring peace into your life—or require you to constantly recover from them?
Because the truth nobody wants to hear is this:
You can love someone deeply and still be making a terrible investment.
And loneliness is not a good reason to purchase a lifetime of dysfunction.
Don’t lower the price of admission just because you’re afraid nobody else will come along.
You are not looking for someone who is merely available. You’re looking for someone who is worthy of access to your life.
Stop bargain hunting.
Choose quality. Choose character. Choose peace.
And if the only way to keep the relationship is to keep lowering your standards—
walk away from the sale.
— Dr. Kathie Mathis, Psy.D., D.D.