Align Yourself With What You Want
We often think we are waiting for our lives to change, when in reality, we are constantly participating in the creation of the life we experience.
We fulfill our own narrative.
Not because everything that happens to us is our fault—it isn’t. Trauma, betrayal, loss, illness, injustice, and circumstances can profoundly affect the direction of our lives. But within those circumstances, there is often a deeper story we continue telling ourselves:
“This is who I am.”
“This is what always happens to me.”
“I can’t trust anyone.”
“I’ll never recover.”
“I have to stay small to be safe.”
“I’ve missed my opportunity.”
When we repeatedly tell ourselves a story, our brain begins looking for evidence to support it. We notice what confirms the narrative, behave in ways consistent with it, and sometimes unconsciously make choices that keep us inside the familiar story.
So how do we change the narrative?
We don’t simply replace a negative thought with a positive one.
We create a new identity and then begin living in alignment with it.
Ask yourself:
Who do I want to become?
Not merely:
What do I want to have?
Then ask:
How would the woman I am becoming think?
How would she speak to herself?
What would she tolerate?
What would she no longer tolerate?
What would she pursue?
What would she walk away from?
What would she believe is possible?
Alignment happens when your thoughts, beliefs, choices, boundaries, behaviors, and daily actions begin telling the same story.
If you say you want peace but continually enter environments that create chaos, you are out of alignment.
If you say you want healthy relationships but continue accepting behavior that violates your values, you are out of alignment.
If you say you want to become courageous but allow fear to make every decision, you are out of alignment.
And if you say you want a new life but continue identifying yourself through the wounds of your old one, your past is still writing your future.
The narrative must change from:
“I am what happened to me.”
to
“What happened to me is part of my story, but it does not get to determine who I become.”
From:
“I can’t.”
to:
“I am learning how.”
From:
“This is just who I am.”
to:
“I am becoming someone new.”
From:
“I need permission.”
to:
“I can choose.”
From:
“I have to survive.”
to:
“I am allowed to build a life I actually want to live.”
And perhaps most importantly:
Stop asking only, “What do I want?”
Begin asking:
“What must I believe, practice, release, and become in order to be aligned with what I say I want?”
Because your desired future requires a version of you who is prepared to inhabit it.
You don’t have to become her all at once.
You become her choice by choice.
Boundary by boundary.
Thought by thought.
Day by day.
Eventually, your behaviors catch up with your vision.
And then something powerful happens:
You stop merely imagining the life you want—and begin becoming the person who can live it.
Alignment is when the life you say you want and the life you repeatedly choose begin moving in the same direction.
Dr. Kathie Mathis, Psy.D, DD, NCP#00775, CAMS-V,