Emotional Addiction: A Snippet from Dr. Kathie Mathis’ Book

Studies have shown that 75% of the information our brains take in a day is negative information and 25% is positive information. The horrors that abusive mothers and fathers inflict on young lives and the wounds imprinted in our brains goes to the very core of our souls. It breaks hearts, heaps shame, and creates feelings of unworthiness, un-love-ableness, minimization of self, valueless. Along with other negative experiences and messages, it makes us emotionally ill as well as physically ill. It strips us of our natural spirit self and leaves us sick, broken, empty, and damaged to the point that we don’t know who we are and what we want.

But some of what we experience doesn’t manifest itself in this manner and remains unseen and is equally, if not more, damaging. If we don’t understand or know about emotional shame then how can we trust it? If we haven’t acknowledged our fears, how can we overcome them? If our lives are unmanageable and out of control, and we don’t stop to take care of it and keep stuffing more into it hoping no one notices how can we expect our relationships with our partners, children, friends, family, bosses and most importantly ourselves, to be fulfilling?

Our hearts desire is to be loved and amazing to our partner. We want to be enough and not too much or too controlling or too critical, over bearing, aggressive, sexual, overweight, loud, thin and so on..! We want to be enough yet outside messages tell us we are to be perfect and so we wear our masks and hide our true spirit and self. Our emotional addiction comes to be our friend and gives us feelings of perfectness or wholeness or enough.

Our body uses combinations of special chemicals to produce each of the different emotions. Do you know that there is a certain chemical combination for happiness, and sadness, and anger, and victimization, and any other emotion that you can think of?

Throughout the years, people develop an addiction to the different chemicals of different emotions. The point is the more people feel a certain emotion, the more addicted to that emotion they become. For example, if you get angry on a consistent basis, you develop an emotional addiction to the anger chemicals. And if you play a victim and cry why you long enough, you habituate that way of being and develop an emotional addiction to those specific chemicals. As each of the cells divides, the new cells created need more and more of those specific chemicals in order to get the same stimulation as the old cell.

So how does this all connect with the law of attraction? Our usual emotional state attracts to us more of that emotional state. So you can see that if we are addicted to specific emotional states, we have to undo the habitual addiction to those negative emotional states and develop new addictions through habit for the positive emotional chemicals. Thus, people often will act in particular ways just to get the fix of their emotional addiction. The real difficulty for many people is to get past emotional addictions and develop more productive emotional addictions. You have to will to practice new behaviors in order to develop new habits and therefore new emotional addictions to positive emotions. This is very difficult the first time; nevertheless, with enough practice it becomes easy to stay happy because of your addiction to that particular emotional condition. The point is the more you practice those positive emotions, the easier it gets over time because your body will naturally develop an addiction for those emotional chemicals and attract situations and people to you in order to maintain that emotional addiction. Practice positive emotions, and eventually the universe will throw situations and people at you in order to maintain that emotional addiction.

You can’t look to others for validation of your inner spirit and soul. No one can tell you who you are as a woman, a man, a person. And no one can give you a verdict on who you are even though they may want to be your judge and jury. They are not reliable, honest, and safe sources. But you can validate who you are. You can break emotional addiction and honor your personhood. So let’s look at how to begin this more fully.